I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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