is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize