Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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