shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
