He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
