I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
