I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
