they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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