I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
