I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
