I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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