i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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