All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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