I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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