I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
