my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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