called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
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casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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