your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
