If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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