I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
