There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So many bounce houses so little time
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
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I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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