Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
