We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
