I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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