Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She needs sedatives and a leash
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I yelled at your uterus for you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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