Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
