when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think my fart just growled at me.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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