when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
