i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
