she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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