Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
