Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
