i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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