Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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