if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
