I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
