well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We are two peas in an std pod
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
