I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
