I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My dick has a subreddit
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
