Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize