So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize