dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
how drunk are you?
Several
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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