the condom got lost in my hair
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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