You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
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Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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