i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
