grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
