Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
please come you make the beer taste better
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
