Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
