Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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