we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
