She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
