I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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