I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
