and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
