It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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