He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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