His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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