Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
