I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
