didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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