he thought i was a dude.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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