I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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