Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
