remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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