I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
