So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
