pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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