bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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