I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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