and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
