I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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