If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
