WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Houston, we have a squirter
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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